What is the Relationship Love List and how do you create it?
The Relationship Love List usually starts with exploring your Values, as in what’s important to you in a relationship; this might be things like love, trust, honesty, fun, openness, authenticity, etc. With your Values we also talk about having them being ‘towards’ what you want rather than ‘away from.’ For example, wanting ‘trust’ in a relationship so that you don’t have someone who cheats on you is a completely different energetic and emotional vibe to desiring trust in a relationship because it allows you both to be fully open and brings a sense of emotional freedom and joy.
Eliciting Your Relationship LOVE LIST Values
The question to start eliciting your Relationship Values is: “What’s important to you in a relationship?” Get a pen and paper and do this as a free-noting exercise and write down whatever comes to mind. If you hit an impasse and run out of ideas, take a short pause and then ask yourself: “What else is important to me in a relationship?” . You might cycle through this process half a dozen or so times. The majority of the time when doing this exercise with clients, I find that the things that are most important to them often come out towards the end of the process long after they think that they have run out of things to say. You are going for key words and whatever comes to mind, no matter how small, embarrassing or inconsequential they might seem. For this exercise you can decide whether to focus on a loving relationship, romance, companionship, or all of the above. Once you have completed your list start to put it in order. You can begin with the Top 5 or Top 10 in order of importance.
Can you live with or live without?
When you are looking for an ideal partner or re-evaluating the partner that you already have, the things you have rated most highly are the ones that you want to start looking out for. For example, if your number one value for a partner is that they are considerate, and you meet someone who scores 9 out of 10 on your list but doesn’t have a considerate bone in their body, you might want to evaluate whether that is OK with you and if it’s something that you can live with. Alternatively if you rated ‘enjoys Salsa dancing’ as something that is important, but your partner likes a good waltz or has 2 left feet, you evaluate the whole package and decide whether or it is something that you can live with, agree to disagree on, or potentially work on.
And for me such a list would never detract from the fun and enjoyment of meeting someone new and discovering who they are. This approach is a simply a way to work more in alignment with your brain and neurology and underlying drivers which carry a vast storehouse of information which is often outside of our conscious awareness about what makes us tick and gives us an even greater sense of satisfaction and fulfilment. Several people who attended my Workshop that year found new love during the month that we were on the island, so magic can definitely happen when you have the right focus and energy . . . . . .
And on that note, I wish you a magical, love filled month and beyond….x